‘Portal to the underworld’ threatens Union Street Grill

Ancient parchment warns of paranormal activity in downtown Courtenay

halloween

Pumpkins, according to parapsychologists, are the only natural substance known to ward off supernatural beings.

Just when you thought Halloween couldn’t get any spookier comes a chilling report from Union Street Grill & Grotto that a long-forgotten portal into the underworld could be opening right inside the downtown Courtenay restaurant this Halloween night.

“We’re all quite concerned,” says Fannie Blanchet, manager of Union Street Grill & Grotto. “One of our servers was looking through a supply closet when she discovered an ancient-looking parchment naming October 31, 2015 as the day the underworld will be united with ours, and that this so-called portal is right where Union Street Grill now stands.”

As a precaution against drawing too much attention from would-be visitors from beyond the grave, Union Street staff will be turning the lights off at 5 p.m. on Halloween night and will serve its customers by the eerie glow of more than 100 candles. Union Street staff will also carve intricate jack-o-lanterns to display throughout the restaurant as sentries, and they’ll dress in outlandish disguises in order to blend in with any otherworldly guests.

Union Street management encourages any guests joining them for the candlelight dinner to also don costumes for their own protection, and will discount their bill 15 per cent for doing so.

“We’re taking this very seriously,” says Blanchet. “Since these beings, whoever or whatever they may be, likely haven’t eaten in a while, we’re going to prepare a special ghoulishly themed food and drink menu, which we’ll also offer our human guests as a sign of solidarity.”

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Staff at Union Street Grill & Grotto will be donning disguises Oct. 31 as protection against any beings who may be visiting via a mysterious ancient portal.

Such items will include bloody prawn dip, “disgustingly named” cocktails and several pumpkin-infused dishes. (Little-known to casual observers, pumpkin is the one natural substance known by parapsychologists to repel undead, otherworldly or otherwise supernatural beings. Thus the jack-o-lantern sentries.)

Anyone interested in braving obvious peril and dining by candlelight on freakishly named entrées among costumed cohorts who may or may not be undead, in a restaurant that allegedly sits atop an ancient portal to another dimension, can reserve a spot at Union Street Grill & Grotto by calling 250-897-0081.

Contact:
Fannie Blanchet
250.897.0081
unionstreetgrill14@gmail.com